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This Is All I Can Say (Drabble)

"Don’t cry, please.” It took all my strength to not allow my voice to crack with emotion or to wipe away the tears that stained your pale cheeks.

“H-how can you expect me not too?! Please don’t do this!” His voice was laced with anger and frustration running his hands through his dark hair, almost as he was hoping his words would make a difference to this already hopeless situation.

“Please…you can’t leave me like this…” He sobbed begging me, finally breaking down, reaching out to hold my cold fingers in his warm hands across the table in my empty lifeless apartment. The cup coffee left empty and stained tinkled near our hands, papers scattered on the table some falling slowly and softly to the floor from his movement.

I couldn’t look at him.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered, starting to feel sleepy. I pulled away from him and leaned back, feeling my body starting to go numb; I took one last look at him and smiled. "Thank you.." I whispered hoping he could still hear me.

My eyes began to shut slowly as I felt myself being pulled away, the pain finally disappearing…

Life is beautiful.

That’s what you said to me that night, remember? As we lay under the stars, thinking about our future. I feel so naive thinking back to those long conversations where we would plan where we would study, how we would get enough money to fund our real dream, to go travelling round this world. I felt so safe and loved under those stars, laying next you on the soft bed of grass, the summer wind blowing through while we laughed and talked.

Life is beautiful.

That’s what you said when I asked you if our plans were just that, plans. You told me how nothing is as simple as black and white. That life will be surprising but we will happy because we could handle anything the world threw at us together. You are always so cheesy :)

I want to you to know I am happy now. I want to thank you for being there for me as a friend throughout. For smiling your big cheesy grin every time you’d see me or come running to tell me you’re new idea for our plan. I always thought that even though we might not achieve everything we set out too, we would grow old together, that we would have a happy ending. And I still believe that. Not for me anymore...but for you.

I thought it would get better, I thought it would go away this feeling, this pain but it seems my story will not end that way, the happy ending is not for me.

I’m sorry for being such a coward. You always said that this was a coward’s way of dealing with life and I would always laugh and agree with you.

But I can’t anymore.

It hurts too much to live. I only know the pain will get worse and you will have to see me dying slowly while you put your dreams on hold.

But I don’t want that for you.

I want you to go out there and live life for me, I want you to capture the stars, to make our dreams true…to fall in love again.

You have a happy ending now.

It’s my gift to you.

This is all I can say.

Only For You (Fanfiction)

Title: Only For You
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Yunho has created a fake life. He's trying to forget him, trying to live a normal life and who better with then his best friend Eunjung. What he doesn't know is that its killing her and the love that he was trying to forget will sudden come barging back into his life.

The soft pads of her feet touched the stone cold floor as she swung her legs over the bed, her soft dark hair brushed against her neck just below her ears. She shivered as the cold hit her bare shoulders as she walked across the bedroom and sat on the window seat. She pulled up her pale legs covering them with her flimsy white nightgown before hugging them close.
Soft mumbles echoed throughout the bedroom, she turned towards the warm bed she had just left. The figure turned from side to side his dark brown hair matted to his handsome tanned face with sweat. His words incoherent raising at certain points as if he is calling for someone. Someone. Not her.
She leaned her head against the cool glass pane, looking out but not really seeing anything. Her heart twisted and she felt tears threatening to overflow her eyes, she let them fall staining her cheek as they fell. She wasn’t crying, she couldn’t cry every night could she? They are not tears of hurt anymore because she is so used to this, she anticipates it.
The figure called out again.
She breathed in sharply choking back her tears. Stop it, she mentally screamed at herself.
You knew.
You knew.
You knew he didn’t love you.
Yunho stretched under the covers, his eyes still closed, a warm smile off content spreading across his face, his legs tangling in the sheet as his tanned muscular arm reached out next to him expectantly. Instead, he was met by a cold empty space. He immediately froze and opened his eyes. Sitting straight up his smile disappeared. Scanning the bedroom with his dark brown orbs he looked for signs of her, he listened for the sound of the shower but nothing. Where is she?
Suddenly the sound of plates clinking came from the kitchen; Yunho’s grin came comfortably back as he grabbed a t-shirt of the floor on his way out of the bedroom. He stood leaning in the open doorway to kitchen; arms folded chuckling to himself silently while watching the petite figure bent over the marble worktop frowning cutely at the toaster.
“Why won’t you hurry up? You hate me right? I knew it.” She stood up straight frowning, folded her arms, sighed, and continued to frown.
“I pretty sure talking to the toaster is a sign of madness.” Yunho laugh walking into the kitchen towards her.
Eunjung turned, recognising the voice she smiled automatically. “Morning sleepyhead.”
Yunho circled his arms around her small waist and leaned into kiss her neck. “Why you awake so early?” He moaned.
She froze.
Suddenly the toaster popped! Phew, saved by the….toaster. She pushed away his muscular arms leaving him standing there dumbfound as she reached for the hot pop tarts and plating them quickly, blowing at her fingers.
“Is something wrong?” He cocked his head and watched as she did everything but look at him.
“No, no. Here take this.” She smiled and handed him the plate. He frowned taking the plate, Eunjung heart clenched at his puppy eyes.
“I gotta get to work, and so do you.” She tried to sound cheery as she threw on a jacket over the jeans and tank top that she was wearing. She punched him playfully on his arm as she noticed that he was still frowning.
The buzzer for the apartment rang and both of them looked towards the monitor across the room. Yunho slowly slouched across to the monitor and held down the button as he recognised the person on the screen. “Changmin-ah!”
“Yunho- hyung is Eunjung-ah ready?” Eunjung smiled at the sound of her friend through the monitor as she grabbed her keys and phone and place them in her bag.
“Ya, don’t be so rude!” Yunho scolded.
“I’m not were friends and even then I’m older then her by a nearly 11 months.” Changmin stated.
“Still!” Yunho argued back. Eunjung laughed grabbing her pop tart with a paper towel. “I’ll be right down Changmin!” She shouted.
“Hyung, you’re crazy.” Changmin stated with disbelief. Yunho was about to start shouting again but Changmin had already left for the car.
“See you later!” Eunjung waved with one free hand, but stopped when she saw his expression.
“No ppo- ppo (kiss)?” Yunho pouted like an eight year old kid, waiting to be kissed. Eunjung froze before giving a quick peck to the cheek then almost running out the apart while saying goodbye.
The door closed shut behind her, leaving Yunho staring holes into the door, confused.
Something’s changed.
On the other side, Eunjung leaned against the door breathing out, trying to control herself. She couldn’t do this anymore. What made her think she could in the first place? A single tear streaked down her cheek. She wiped it away violently, before heading towards the elevator.
She couldn’t be in a fake relationship with man who loved someone else.



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August 2012


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